I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
