Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
