it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
