Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
