There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
