A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
