he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
