GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
