i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
