Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
