I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
should my penis look like a turkey
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
