Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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