The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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