I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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