I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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