so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
