You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
