Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
