just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I just sharted jello shots
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
