Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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