last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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