Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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