Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
