Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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