Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
