I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
