I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
