This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
