it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
