No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
