so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
