Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
