he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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