i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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