evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
