i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We are two peas in an std pod
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
