Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
