he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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