i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
