he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
