how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
