Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
