it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is Oprah even human
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
