ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
