I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
