I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
