You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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