He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just high enough for therapy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
