You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
