and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
zippers are such a cool invention
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
a search helicopter?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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