omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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