Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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