what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
