my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
