he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
