Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
