I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
