Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
