dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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