We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
