this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
