Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
