he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
