i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
