if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
