pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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