her facebook's as public as her vagina
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
