JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
