I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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